So. The holidays have come and gone, and here in the U.S., we have another upon us - the Fourth of July. This holiday I usually enjoy, yet this Fourth of July, I kept remembering my last 4th spent with my mother and siblings.
I have no idea why I remember this particular 4th of July. Perhaps because it was one of the more normal - as in a non-Narc - holidays spent with my mother and siblings. Who knows why I remember it so vividly. We were all in Connecticut, enjoying the week long vacation at her home. From what I remember we actually enjoyed our stay ... oddly, I do not remember my mother at all, except for one particular dinner served on the patio - at least, not as much as I remember my siblings in the memories and the feeling of a quiet, pleasant home.
Why it seemed normal, I have no idea. But it was years ago, which is sad ... the memory was from YEARS ago - from the summer of 1999 or 2000. That is a lifetime ago ... but, nothing major happened. There was no fighting, no bickering and no gaslighting.
So, the point of writing the aforementioned is ... NM are awful creatures, and will never change, but, there might exist, perhaps one or two good memories, which we can remember as "good." Those who come from similar families, will be able to perhaps identify with this - we have few good memories which we can remember, and tend to hold onto the few good memories we might have ...
How sad. A memory from 15 years ago, is what I am thankful to remember.
I am not expecting for there to be other, future, good memories onto which I will be able to hold. But, I knew, as it was taking place, that our week long stay at her house would be something I would be able to remember as a good memory. And so it stays.
Remember, Don't let the good memories convince you that Narcs will change. They do not and will not. But, at least hold onto the one or two good memories which you have.
Thought - perhaps that 4th of July week in the year 2000 was pleasant because my brother in law was staying in the house. There was someone other than my sisters, in the house, to impress. There is also, one other pleasant memory in which the same group stayed together during a summer holiday - on Nantucket Island. My brother in law was also present. So, he could have been the determining factor of pleasant vs. unpleasant.
More en route - Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am emerging out from under another abusive narcissist who was my landlord; my friends tell me that he enjoyed toying with me psychologically. I must admit, these people tend to come in groups, or all at once. And, if it wasn't for other blogs - I would have never survived under the weight of their awful, disgusting psychological games; I would never have learned thetruth about these sick, twisted, consciousless beings.
Happy 4th of July. Stay strong, and keep reading these blogs. They have helped me so very much.
